sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
