I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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