i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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