my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
