So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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