in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This baby is an asshole
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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