Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
