I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
