I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
