I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
