So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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