I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
