They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
