I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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