Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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