Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
