i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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