If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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