He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
