Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
