Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
