I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
