Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
