glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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