I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am one with the molecules
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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