I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
