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why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
