when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my liver is dry heaving
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
