What did we do last night that was yellow?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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