She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
