she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
