He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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