I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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