Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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