you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
