Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
