So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
