she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
