I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
