If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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