I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
