Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
