We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
