i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sarcasm needs its own font
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
