Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
