That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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