I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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