I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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