Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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