Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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